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Mental toughness is not a trait that we either have or don’t have. We can all learn and develop skills to increase our ability to thrive.

The first step to growing mental toughness is to cultivate awareness of our thoughts. To understand awareness it is important that you know about the brain’s autopilot.

Our brains are ingenious at automating our life habits. Think back to when you last drove your car or washed the dishes. Did you have to think through each and every step? No, and that is because the brain learned these activities through repetition.  Where once you wondered if you were ever going to come to grips with learning to drive a manual car, now you do it without conscious effort. Remember that time when you were driving down the road and you suddenly realised that you had absolutely no recollection of the last few blocks you had just driven? That’s the autopilot in action. Autopilot does everyday  life for us – it is a brilliant and necessary function of the brain.

However there is a downside, and this comes when we cede too much control to the autopilot and we end up thinking, feeling and doing life with very little conscious awareness of what we are thinking, feeling and doing.

When we switch off the autopilot, we become more aware of our thoughts, emotions and behaviours. It brings us into the present moment where we have the power to choose what we want to think, feel and do.

To grow mental toughness, it is important to cultivate awareness of our thoughts and emotions because when we know what we are thinking, we have the power to make changes – especially to those thinking patterns that might not be serving us so well.

New Year is the most common time for setting goals. It is also the most common time for being fixated on our failure to achieve them. It seems to me that New Years Resolutions now walk with connotations of failure. Who wants to start their year riding on the coat tails of failure?

So lets take a look at how to set a really great goal. One that you can succeed at and build a foundation of success for yourself.

1. State your goal in positive terms. That is, what you want (not what you don’t want). There is a vast difference between the two. Think about it. How do you feel when you contemplate the statement “I want to feel calm about going to work”? Now think about “I don’t want to feel stressed about going to work”. The brain focuses on the information we feed it. If we feed it a desire for calm then it will focus on calm. If we feed it a desire not to do stress, then it will shortcut that and simply pay attention to stress. Much like you found as you considered the two statements.
2. Be Specific. What will you see, hear, taste, touch or smell when you achieve your goal? Sounds weird I know but building a rich picture of what achieving your goal looks like will build a rich picture for your mind to hook onto. For example, If your goal is to increase your running pace, then you might picture yourself running in a particular setting that you usually run in. Now add to that picture what you see around you – e.g. blue sky, green grass; what you feel – strong muscles in your legs powering you forward; what you hear – birds, the sound of your feet on the ground and so forth. Create a rich tapestry for your mind.
3. Resources. What resources do you have that will help you to achieve your goal? These can be skills, knowledge, other people. Also consider what might be missing that you may need to outsource or up skill.
4. Ask yourself. How does the goal fit with what you value in life? Is the goal achievable? e.g. are you being realistic? What will you gain by achieving it? What might you lose by achieving it? e.g time with friends/family. Is it right for you in all aspects of your life?  How might it affect your relationships, health etc? If  the doing of a goal turns you away from what is important to you, then consider whether it is the right goal for you.
5. What will let you know that you have achieved your goal? Some examples are, “I will cross the finish line of the race on such and such a date”. Or “the business with make x amount of turn over by such and such a date”

Great goals can bring great results. So why don’t you give it a go this year, get smart and succeed!

“People who put up Christmas decorations early are happier according to psychology experts”  reads the title to an article on the Go Social website that caught my eye today. Being in the business of helping people learn to feel good about themselves, my curiosity was piqued.

I was also wondering what I had missed out on as the wife of a Forester who saw no sense in a fake tree when we could have a real one for free. Each Christmas for the past 22 years I would wistfully admire the perfectly symmetrical, non drooping trees of others while mine – once we got it mid December – always looked rather sad in comparison.

Now I’m wondering. Are the psychology experts on to something?

Psychoanalyst Steve McKeown writes, “In a world full of stress and anxiety people like to associate to things that make them happy and Christmas decorations evoke these strong feelings of the childhood. Decorations are simply an anchor or pathway to those old childhood magical emotions of excitement. So putting up those decorations early extends the excitement!”

Now I’m all about playing and having fun and if getting festive earlier than usual is another way of doing that, then I’m in!

So at a time of year that is commonly stressful and exhausting for many, try getting festive. Allow it to encourage the child in you to be a little more playful and to feel nurtured, excited and happy.

Oh, and this year we have a fake tree and we put it up on December 1st to loud Christmas music and plenty of dancing.  We had a blast! The whole family are enjoying the joyful festive feelings as we prepare for the Christmas season.

I think there is a wonderful point here –

Get your festive on!